STRESS!!!

First things first, weigh in this monday. 140.2. Not good. Not a surprise, but not good. On the other hand, I got an A on my Molecular genetics exam.

The corollary is obvious. The more I work, the more I focus, the more I mindlessly eat. It's a habit I developed years ago in undergrad and I don't know how to break it. I get tired while working, so I eat to stay awake and focus. Now I understand my dad's addiction to cigarettes. He told me once that the more he worked any given day, the more he would smoke. When he was stressed and busy, he'd go through one cigarette after another. I have a similar hand-to-mouth obsession when I'm working. I can be productive, get a lot done, and mentally process a lot but to do so I feel like I need to be stuffing my face. I've been trying to quell it with healthier choices that I can eat one at a time - lowfat popcorn, grapes, etc. Or if it's going to be something to satisfy the desire for salt, cheese, or other comforts, something like the baby goldfish crackers or homemade chex mix help so that the serving allows for a lot of individual pieces. I need to break the habit entirely, but I strongly suspect it's not going to happen all that soon.

So this week I'm coping with still more stress. Work is proving exceptionally annoying. We're busy which is pretty normal. However, it feels like we're getting hit exceptionally hard w/ patient cases and on top of that, our managers have been rolling out schedule changes that are lowering morale and not increasing efficiency. Lunch hour has been split into schedule 30 min lunch and 2 15 min breaks. The reality is you never really take your scheduled break because you're still on a call. I'm also getting tired of the boss not understanding that the role I'm in doesn't fit in the usual confines of a helpdesk environment. I've been there, I do understand what is needed on a helpdesk. It's only going to get worse though with the new upper management. I've also accepted for a while now that I don't work well with managers who are not consistent, who don't understand how to communicate effectively and how to keep morale up while still getting the job done. I can cope so that I don't do anything stupid that would get be fired, but it takes a toll on my psyche. So in addition to trying to manage my body, my family, my home, my job, and school, now I get to add looking for a better job into the mix.

I'm trying to get back on the bandwagon w/ eating better again. Chinese New Year and superbowl didn't help matters any this week either. I'm cooking again and that will help. I tried to make the most of the new schedule and walked around the office lot on monday during my breaks to take advantage of the day not being freezing cold. I'm contemplating joining a gym still in hopes that the new years resolution pseudo-enthusiasts have dwindled. Of course I don't know how I'm going to fit in gym visits myself so until then I haven't signed up. I just want to get through the week, that's all I'm asking.

Wintry mix, work, and weigh-in

It's Groundhog's day. This year, both Punxsatawney Phil and Milltown Mel did not see their shadows. I hope they're right. We've been showered with ice for the last 2 days and quite frankly, I'm just tired of winter and it's wintry mix. As far as I'm concerned, seasonal affective disorder for me is not related to the hours of light I don't get but rather to the inches of snow and ice I need to clear off my car and trudge through at work and school.

It's been a crummy week all around as I prep for my first exam on friday. I've been exceptionally dissatisfied with my job as the department is undergoing some changes to try to increase our level of service, but the true changes that would significantly improve our efficiency aren't happening. Instead, management is rolling out stupid things that will just lower morale and I highly doubt will make a difference in the level of service provided.

So the good news is that I'm down to 138.6 lbs this week. Despite not counting points last week, the scale is continuing to move in the direction I want it to. Unfortunately, I am in yet another week of eating more than I probably should, and much of it mindless as I study. I'm trying to make some of the mindless munching at least be with healthier choices like fruit instead of chips, but we'll see how the week goes.